March 9, 2024
“Hey Doug! Over here!” she shouted and motioned to Doug.
Doug had just walked into Meddys in Wichita, Kansas. He was sullen. And sullenly he walked over to where Gertie was sitting.
“So I ordered the Succulent Chicken Shawarma for you and then I ordered the Big Bowl for me. You know the one that comes with steamed rice, tomatoes, that sauce and a choice of protein?!?!? Of course you know!!! By the way I got chicken as my protein. Just like TKG!!” Gertie nervously exclaimed.
“Shut your trap Gertie! You don’t need to get back with him!! He’s a loser. A wannabe. A has-been.” Doug yelled as he took a bite of his Shawarma. “Heck…just the other day The Kansas Gastronomist was in my basement literally doing reviews of Beefaroni. You know…from Chef Boyardee? Everyone knows that the best Chef Boyardee is the Spagetti. Even that B.E. By Wichita guy knows it!!!”
“Shut up Doug!!! You don’t know nothing about anything. First of all his name is Wichita By E.B. and he’s a great gastronomer — maybe one of the greatest. But when it comes to Chef Boyardee you can only trust TKG. And second of all…” her voice trailed off as she took a bite of her Big Bowl forgetting everything they had just been discussing.
As Doug and Gertie chowed away, they kept stealing suspicious glances at each other. Always when the other wasn’t looking. They ended up finishing their food in complete silence, flipping each other off (again, in complete silence) and leaving. Nary a word was spoken. In fact there was no further communication that evening until Gertie sent a Venmo request to Doug for the cost of the Shawarma. The request said “Gertie requests $10 from Doug for ‘Deez Nutz.’” Doug didn’t pay because he’d purchased no nuts.
RESTAURANT NOTES: None. Doug was there. Not me.
— TKG
